“But You Moved to a New Country!” — Man Gets Blasted for Not Wanting to Help Partner with Her Suitcases

Romantic relationships can sometimes come with a lot of baggage. Not just emotionally, but like, actual baggage. If you're with someone who likes to over-pack or thinks that the definition of traveling "light" means having a caravan of cream-color-coordinated suitcase sets, then you know how true this aforementioned statement can be.

And it can be annoying if you're the type of person who likes being a minimalist and carrying only what you need and maybe a little extra for contingencies, versus someone who is a maximalist mobile-hoarder who wants to ensure that they've got anything and everything they could possibly think of having on their person at any given time.

This very specific gripe became the topic of a viral dispute featured in a post uploaded to a Reddit r/AITA sub, which saw a user who goes by @yitcity complain about their partner's penchant for carrying a lot of stuff at once in the type of suitcase that isn't exactly suited for multi-terrain travel.

OP says that when they travel they intentionally only carry a rucksack and a backpack, which allows them to carry all of their belongings on both their back and their front side. With this set up, their arms are free to carry anything else on their person or just keep open when the opportunity for an impromptu high-five arises.

His partner, a 25-year-old woman, on the other hand, has decided on a different travel methodology: "She does not use this approach, instead opting for the bohemoth roller suitcase and a smaller one. This means she cannot move her luggage over anything but the smoothest of ground(no curb, no stairs, doesn’t fit easily in the boot of a taxi, it’s a pain on buses)."

The Redditor added that due to the size of the suitcases that she's rolling around with, warning stickers are even placed on the bags and that moving them around anywhere that isn't an elevator becomes very problematic.

"The suitcase is a large unwieldy shape and heavy too, airport staff put warning stickers on it."

They went on to say that because the bag is so big, whenever his partner uses it, she is prone to fitting as much stuff inside of the bag as possible, meaning that going over the weight limit and making it even more difficult to carry is pretty much par the course for whoever is stuck having to lug it around.

"On top of that, as it provides such generous storage space it encourages overpacking, meaning us lugging around gear that is rarely if ever taken out of the suitcase at stops. This all means that it is left to me to get our collective luggage to where it needs to be, the latest incident being up six flights of narrow stairs."

And because he's her partner, he's usually left helping her out with her suitcases and from the sound of his post, it doesn't seem like he wants to be in that position any longer. So much so that he's considering outright telling her he won't be helping to carry her luggage unless she trims down the amount of stuff she brings along on their trips.

"I’m considering refusing to help in future trips unless she gets a more mobile and practical piece of luggage, is that likely to work," he asked, while also questioning whether or not it would make him an "a-hole" for putting in this stipulation.

He added in a follow-up that being mobile ever since moving countries is a big concern of his just for the sheer amount of moving that they are constantly doing. He also said that some of their shared items also end up in each other's bags, like her makeup/cosmetics in his bags.

The Redditor also said that she doesn't expect him to help her out with her bags — he says that he's the one who is making the offers, but that he just wants to make sure they're able to move around more freely during their travels.

One commenter didn't think he was wrong at all to want a more mobile transportation solution, however, they did mention that they thought it would be a bad idea to bring it up in the middle of the trip, which OP did agree with and said that they wouldn't just spring it on his partner.

"NTA You've found a solution that works perfectly fine and that one suitcase is the issue. However, do try to talk to her about it at least once before refusing to help for communication's sake if she decides it's not a big deal and she wants to keep on doing it, you get to rest knowing its not your responsibility, if she sees it the way you do, win-win," one commenter penned.

However, there were other people who thought that the man was being an a-hole because her suitcases were filled with belongings not just for a trip, but for moving to an entirely new country and that they were in the process of moving around a lot in that new country — so she was basically moving with her entire life in tow.

One Redditor was really upset: "God above. I am so tired of men like this — you obviously picked a woman who dresses up, looks cute, wears makeup, and various accessories that match. That is some of what you were attracted to, no? Do you seriously think it doesn't come with needs? It means people like that travel with lots of stuff. If you wanted the type of person who travels with a rucksack, you could have found them and you did not."

Another person said: "If a man ever told me he wants me to travel with a backpack it would be the last he saw of me, I’m not a low-maintenance hipster that travels with jeans, t-shirts, and sarongs."

Someone else also thought that OP should've mentioned at the get go that they were moving to another country and they needed to be mobile the entire time and that it was pretty grimy of him to not mention that at the get go: "YTA, massive. I also pack like your girlfriend and my bf packs like you (even less, he uses only 1 backpack). While I am perfectly capable of managing my huge troller (30 kgs) and my smaller one (10 kgs), as I’ve traveled out of the country on my own with these exact two pieces.

When I travel with my partner, he doesn’t let me touch the big suitcase. It’s the decent thing to do in a relationship, the “gentleman” thing, if you wish."

What do you think? If you know you're going to be jet-setting, do you think that adopting the kind of quick and go-go-go travel lifestyle is imperative? Or should OP be a bit more understanding and appreciative of the fact that their S/O has basically uprooted their entire life?